A year older, anniversaries, and a life story of other things.

Through the storms, through it all

You stand before it, strong and tall

Ghod deyai myei fyiendes (good day my friends in Firtenyiesh)

I am another year older, and I would like to believe another year wiser, but who am I kidding…

When I finally sat down at my desk to work on the first draft of Winds of the World, I truly had no idea what was going to happen. Sure, I had this idea for the better part of a decade, but that was all they were - ideas. I often get asked what my inspiration for the story is, how I came up with these characters, locations, and the overall ebb and flow. My answer is always the same.

“So many things had to go wrong to make this one right.”

Over the last 4 years I have written an 800 page book, a short story that I never thought I could write and nearly 80% of book 2. In the last 4 years I have made new friends, the sort you have always wanted, and I am honored to have called Shadow Spark Publishing my home for almost a year. In the last 4 years I have rekindled my passion for the power of words, whether talking with my wife, my mom and friends, or random people I pass in a bookstore. Because of them, this series has become a living and breathing entity in my life.

On a more important note, I suppose you need the story of how this all came to be, the origins of The Echoing and Eclipse, and just what I mean by the answer stated above.

I moved to LA at the end of 2013. I needed a change, something to reset myself. Now, by no means was it a simple move, but I did have my brother and his wife to bunk with. I got a job at a postal store, dealing with mail and shipping, as well as retail goodies. I met a lot of amazing people, from Brian Baumgartner (Kevin from The Office), Kate Mara (House of Cards), and John Cho (White Castle, American Pie). While working my 2nd job at a grocery store, I bagged an order for Matt Jones (Badger from Breaking Bad) and countless others. There was one thing they all had in common; they were genuine, honest, polite, and entirely human like you and me.

I began getting my feet wet in 2014, writing a draft for a screenplay called The Writer. Original, right? I even did a script reading, which was so much fun. Then I began writing the early first draft of Winds, dedicating all my time and efforts to the words I put onto those pages. It flowed, literally poured from me like a burst pipe, to the point that all I thought about was this world, these characters, and where the story went from here.

In 2015 I moved back to Wisconsin, the life of the west coast not agreeing with me the way I wanted it to. I had every intention of picking up the book when I settled in, and when I did, I immediately tossed it. I’ll be honest, I was reading the Wheel of Time as I was writing my own story. Robert Jordan’s world bled onto my own pages. It was the same story, just told much more poorly. I did manage to salvage pieces of those first 700 pages to use later, but 90% was complete garbage. I took it hard, the glaring fact that my ideas were not original at all and decided to not write another word until I had something to contribute.

2016 I met Amy, my wife, my beautiful pillar of strength that I rely so much on (more on that later). This is when I began distancing myself entirely from writing as life sort of took over, so much so that my well of creativeness went dry. I do not blame her, because life has a way of catching up with you. So much happened in these years I would never replace, no number of bestselling books could ever possibly fill that void I had if not her.

2017 we visited Glacier National Park, and being the man I am, I proposed at the top of Grinnel Glacier. I took her completely by surprise, me included, and those that joined us on that hike were all smiles and joyful. It truly was a defining moment in my life.

2018 we were married and began building our future, supporting each other’s dreams and goals. If there is one thing her and I are really good at, it is supporting one another through the darkest storms and seeing through to a brighter day. I never had that with someone before, a person outside my family that could show as much love and care as she can. Even if we were not married, she would still be the same wonderful and caring person she is today. I owe her a debt I can never repay, but I will continue to try.

Magic does not exist out in the world

It exists in our very souls

May 25 2018

2019 I tried my hand at writing again, but every time I wrote something I didn’t like it. This translated into writing a few thousand words, then scratching those few thousand words with another few thousand. Repeat this process more times than I can remember, and you had indefinite writer’s block. Again, I gave up. Life was throwing me curveballs that I couldn’t hit, leading to my marriage nearly falling apart. Through it all, I came back stronger, determined to become a better version of myself, and learned that life is forgiving.

Then 2020 hit. It was a bad year for not only our country, but the world. It broke us down, brought out the worst in people, and yet I found the silver lining in it all. I tested positive in April, which really was nothing more than a few minor symptoms. June and July came, I started to feel numbness and tingling in my feet, which over the course of 2 months moved up my legs and chest, and finally to my face, arms and hands.

Labor Day weekend of 2020 my wife and I went for a horseback ride. To this day it was the best ride of my life, except for one problem; I felt NOTHING. The reins, the movement of the saddle or the subtle breathing of Apollo, my horse. He was an absolute champion that day. You need to know I am a stubborn person, and over those months I never told my wife about any of this, until that day. I attributed it to the boots I wore at work, which in my mind made absolute sense.

The next day I fell over at work and my wife took me to the ER, where the doctor immediately did an MRI. He told us he wasn’t a neurologist, but from what he could see it looked like MS. You can imagine what those two simple letters felt like, what any life changing event feels like. Within days I was in Rochester MN, where they confirmed the diagnosis. They prescribed me an assortment of medications, started me on treatment, and everything seemed to be going in the right direction.

I walked into that first infusion in December, without any problems. Two weeks later I struggled to lift my left foot off the ground. I tried to end my life, due to a drug that I had been given, but a few angels made sure I didn’t go through with my plan. All of this before my wife’s birthday on Christmas Eve.

My first infusion

December 4 2020

2021, again my wife and I went on vacation. I guess I forgot to tell you about our first ‘out of this world’ date, which sort of happened to be in Grand Teton National Park in 2016, just the two of us. That is where we fell in love and continue to fall in love all over again. That fall I was fired from my job, over an email, with no explanation. I should have given up then too, because my track record would tell you that. In my life, whenever I hit a rough patch or a hard spot, I ran away from my troubles, telling myself explicitly that by running it would all just magically go away.

They never do.

The ride home my wife asked me one simple question; what is your story about? To this day, I thank her for opening those floodgates once more, because without her prodding I never would have written the first words of this story. This is a story born from the ashes like a great phoenix, spreading its wings and readying to soar once more.

“Once you find your passion, you never give up on it, you never let go of it.”

I finished the rough draft of Winds July 1 of 2022, a feat that took me about half a year. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, the words to this story only 10% complete, but they were there. It gave me a sense of not only accomplishment but inspired me to be more focused on the craft.

October 2023 I signed with SSP, an Independent Publisher with an emphasis on each unique voice from each author they sign.

June 21 2024 my story The Man Who Came With Winter was published, along with 11 other authors in the SSP anthology COZYish.

Grand Teton National Park - Oxbow Bend - Sunset

“There is more beauty to be found in this world if you just let your feet take you.”

This October, one year since signing with a publisher, my wife and I will again be at our home away from home.

And so, here we are, 4 years since I was diagnosed with MS, four years since life changed for all of us, four years since I was tested to see if I was strong enough to not give up hope on not only myself, but the world. My therapist and I use the word resilience, because that is exactly what I have been and continue to be. He commends my strength in never giving up and understanding that what made me weak before now only makes me stronger. I am a survivor, a warrior, a husband and a friend, who just so happens to be a writer.

If you have gotten this far, the answer to what inspires me comes from this mess of events. I use the worlds struggles and frustrations in my series, often times a direct lineage to an event. My world is black and white, you either are or you aren’t, because that is the way the world we live in works. This story is unique, like all our stories, and I hope it inspires others to never give in to what society tells you, to stay strong and prove that you are better today than you were yesterday. Each of us has a story to tell, so tell it, whether in words or photography, art and music. If anything, use it as a way to let go of things that hold you back and weigh you down.

You’re better than that.

My goal has always been to write a story that resonates with readers differently, each and every time they read it. You should feel every emotion within these pages, raw and unaltered. A few tears and a fist pump in the air like Judd Nelson gave at the end of The Breakfast Club. There should be a laugh or two and heartache, and then the sound of silence when it hits you, just like 2020 did.

“You must confront your past before moving forward.”

The original Beta Copies

Uentril wei metias aganish (until we meet again)